by Lisa Copen

“You look great today. You must be feeling a whole lot better?” “You
haven’t really experienced chronic fatigue until you’ve had twins and
worked full-time!” “I think it you sit around thinking about your pain too
much. Just get out of that house more and it may just heal itself.”
“If you really wanted to get well, you’d get serious about taking that
juice I recommended. I don’t understand why you won’t at least try it.”

And the remarks go on. . . and on.

And it really hurts.

You may be surprised to hear that nearly 1 in 2 Americans has a chronic
illness or physical condition that impacts their daily life. The range
of diseases and included everything from migraines to diabetes, back
pain to fibromyalgia, and arthritis to cancer. One of the largest
emotional obstacles for people who suffer from illness is coping with the
invisibility of the pain and feeling like no one understands what they
deal with on a daily basis. And they are justified in these feelings, as
about 96% of illness is invisible, meaning the person who suffers from
the chronic condition show no outward signs of physical pain or
disability. An assistive device is not needed like a walker or wheelchair. But
the incredible pain one experiences each day can be disabling within
the confines of the home.

If you have an invisible illness here are 5 ways to let go of some of the frustrations:

[1] Free people from the expectations you typically have had of them. This step will likely be a life-long process, but without taking it, you will consistently find that people will always disappoint you. No one is perfect-even you! And it’s important to remember that those with illness do not understand the difficulties that our friends are going
through, such as a divorce, the death of a loved one, an ill child, a loss
job, etc. Your illness is momentous in your life. And even though
people do care, they still will have significant things going on in their
own lives. Don’t hold that against them.

[2] Find supportive, caring friends. If there is someone in your circle
of friendships who is constantly belittling you or distrustful about
your illness, this should be a relationship to end. If it’s a relative,
distance yourself as much as you can. Illness gives us an opportunity
to help us prioritize our friendships. With limited energies we should
surround ourselves with those who at least can give us the benefit of
the doubt and acknowledge our illness exists.

[3] Find joy in your blessings. Rather than thinking about how badly
you feel, find ways to bring more joy into your life. Appreciate the
little things. Observe what you are doing when you have a burst of
unexplained energy and realize that there lies your passion. Focus on bringing
more of this into your life. You may not be able to garden like you
once did, but you can grow a few potted flowers or hire a neighborhood
teenager to plant some vegetables and set up an automatic sprinkler system
for them. Or if you want to dream big, start a consulting business for
want-to-be gardeners.

[4] Use your talents and skills for things you have a personal interest
in. Don’t allow yourself to feel like the skills you learned in a
workplace are no longer valuable. Maybe you’ve always wanted to write
children’s books or be a business consultant. Plug in and do some volunteer
or part-time work to continue to grow professionally and use your
skills for project you feel passionate about. Rather than focusing on what
others aren’t doing to comfort you, follow your dreams and give that
gift to yourself.

[5] Encourage someone else. You personally know how hard it is to live
with illness and to feel like no one understands. So take time to be
vulnerable with someone else who is going through this. Whether you meet
someone through an online group such as National Invisible Chronic
Illness Awareness Week’s message boards, or through your local support
group, volunteer your time and expertise (yes, you’re an expert on living
with invisible illness!) and use it to make someone else’s journey
easier and you’ll find your own is more enjoyable too. Are you frustrated
that no one at your church thinks your invisible illness is real? Rather
than stop going to church, find ways to educate them, such as a column
in the church newsletter or brochures about National Invisible Chronic
Illness Awareness Week. These say what to say/not to say to a
chronically ill person.

None of us have the capability to force another person to change, or to
make them care. But we can educate them and give gentle advice. We
must also continue to work on ourselves, however, because you will find
that even when you want to change it can be a real challenge. It requires
discipline and motivation for a better life. You owe it to yourself to
find joy despite your illness, and by focusing on how you can change
your circumstances, instead of change other people, you’ll be much more
rewarded.

Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend
from “Beyond Casseroles” by Lisa Copen when you
(http://www.restministries.org/res-ezine_ill.htm) signup for HopeNotes
invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the coordinator of
(http://www.invisibleillness.com) Invisible Illness Awareness